Detroit Tunnel of Light

Taken at Detroit Metro Airport. Thanks to flickr user samirdiwan who calls it Bag To The Future

Ha Ha Conversation With SO

My dearest quoted a newspaper article about alien life forms. I'll risk boring you all to tears. Hey, nobody's forcing you to read!

(Don't you dare leave. Read it now.)

Him: "The current research estimates that there are at least 361 intelligent civilisations in our Galaxy and possibly as many as 38,000." Now that's a nice precise guesstimate, lol

Elisa: very. scientific even.

Him: And I had thought they had yet to find any exoplanet that actually could support life...

Elisa: They should have just said they'd narrowed it down exactly to "sum numberz of peoplez".

Him: "While researchers often come up with overall estimates... 'It's a process of quantifying our ignorance.' "

Him: Ömg, I need to be paid for making ignorant guesses too! *

Elisa: I need to be paid for finding scientific-y-sounding explanations for not having a clue.

Him: "It's a process of quantifying our ignorance." Now that's a good quote. Hey, I have an idea! Let's pool all our ignorance together and make some wild guesses! Anyone up for that?

Elisa: Hey, we're all scientists, let's release an official-sounding statement about not having any idea!

So yeah... anyone wanting to offer me such a job, please feel free to contact me.

~ Elisa

* Umläuts äre funny. They're cäused by wäcky Euröpeän keyböärds.

PS. It pained me to do that. I feel an uncontrollable urge to apply Finnish pronunciation to the above sentence.

Sorry, to all the Deidres of this world

I had to put in that title there, because well, these days you can't make an innocent obnoxious internet post without offending SOMEONE, can you? (Hypothetical only: if you, the reader, don't even make internet posts, I guess you're off the hook.)

So a running joke among my IRC clansmen is that Deidre is to blame for all that is wrong in this world. I have identified myself as Deidre on more than one occasion. And to my eldest mini-geek I have even declared that it was Deidre who ate the last croissant. It's a nice, useless little non-existent entity to hold responsible for um, pretty much anything. I once even used it at St Vincent de Paul as the person who left all the empty coat-hangers in a pile behind the cash register.

Side note: For non-Strayans, Vinnies stores are like Goodwill. I "work" there as a volunteer.

So my SO and I are currently playing an Intarweb game, one of several that we play together, and in the game we're married, and have a child, named Deidre (of course). Deidre gains a year of age each day. She's currently 14. Each day one of us must fulfil her needs.

And in a remarkable parallel to my RealLife™, I forget. Unfortunately Deidre either doesn't notice or just chooses not to say anything about the fact she hasn't eaten since yesterday. She asks for stuff like a pencil and paper, or a story to read, or a gingerbread man. Or yoghurt.

My poor long-suffering SO had to remind me to log in and look after her today. Oops. This is Deidre ----->

Notice the lovely, curvy, adolescent figure? The breasts? The general "I can look after myself pretty well since I am almost an adult" demeanor?

Today what she needed was "Anti-diarrhoeic granules". Well, ok, I suppose occasionally someone picks up a bit of Bali Belly. But here's the killer. The description reads: "Are you tired of having to change diapers? Give your child a few anti-diarrhoeic granules and you won't even have to put another diaper on your child."

I think that's what all parents of 14-year-old girls need. An end to changing poopy backsides.

I know that I can't WAIT until my own daughter Aria turns 14 just so that I can sell my shares in Pampers and shove her mouth full of Immodium instead.

Evolution Game

My 12-year-old son Jay says this game is AWESOME. I believe that's as glowing a recommendation as one can ever hear. Not only that, it has music that gets stuck in your head, and it involves instrumentals of popular tunes.

Click here to play Evolution

More Weird Searches

Weird Search: In which I extol the virtues of bubble shooting

What About These

33. Cats
34. Hair colour
35. Windows that open
36. Movies that make me cry
37. Control-Z
38. Soft grass and bare feet

Red Panda Picture

It's not exactly a "beautiful" picture today but more of a "cute picture". This is Pemba, the 44th red panda cub born at Sydney's Taronga Zoo. He is four months old and has just made his first public appearance - eating a yummy grape.

Image thanks to The Sydney Morning Herald

I'm Famous!

Ok, I'm not really, I think it's more a case of someone Googling themselves. Hey, I've done it myself (albeit, I wanted to see if I had any penetration into the masses... sadly not!)

Kaitlin Whipple found my Crazy Odd story about her engagement.

I don't quite recommend her method, but it seems like she's achieved some real media pen-e-tra-tion!

Dream Come True

My friend Linda sent this to me, and I was transported backwards a decade in time.

This girl never would have dreamed what was included in her ticket price.

I had every one of U2's albums, I had several U2 t-shirts, and I had an ENORMOUS poster that covered most of one wall in my bedroom. I even had the sheet music to The Joshua Tree. I can blame classmate Rod for the obsession, because I sat next to him in Computing and he was obsessed with U2 and I was curious what was so great about them so I went and bought Rattle and Hum on cassette. And then it was game on.

If Bono had done this to me in 1989 MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETE.

One Thousand Years Of Bad Luck

It's coming, and it's coming for me. I will be unlucky in love. I will have something disastrous happen. I will get bad sex for seven years and all my toenails will fall off. Somewhere in China a newborn baby with severe lung cancer from cigarettes will die, all because of me. All because I didn't pass this on to every person in my address book:

Give this rose @)-;--- to everyone you care about including me if you care. See if you get a dozen by Valentine's Day!

Do you have ANY IDEA how many of those damned things I got? (Neither have I. Lots.)

So I got a dozen, with a few to spare. A few dozen to spare, dude. And?

And?

AND WHAT? So I got a dozen. Why isn't my screen flashing and a bear jumps into the middle and stars singing a Britney Spears song, or something?

If I press CTRL + N + F3, will something amazing happen?

Will one of my fondest wishes come true? Will a classmate I haven't seen since 1984 suddenly call me with important news? Will daffodils spontaneously fill my front garden? I wish they would...

People. I like to think I'm not friends with idiots. So, alright, I'll forgive you sending all the "roses", since it must mean you care for me. But what were you thinking when you sent me that photo of the four puppies and the kisses, JUST IN CASE you might get eight years' bad dog luck if you don't forward it within 30 seconds?

And the fundraisers. Oh the fundraisers. Dude, AOL doesn't care about the sweet little Pakistani girl with a goat growing on her forehead. They won't send 3 dollars for anyone forwarding that bullshìt. And Microsoft won't send three cents even if EVERYONE you have ever emailed since you got your awesome Hotmail account in 1993 reads the heartstring-tugging story THAT IS HEAPS TRUE because the email said IT WAS ON CNN.

People, I won't even love you, OR forward your mail, even if you send it in Hot Pink 16-point Comic Sans. In fact, do that and I might just un-remember who you are. My eyes, they bleed with the poor choice of font which breaks all rules of good taste! MY KINGDOM FOR VERDANA! Or even Arial. Or MS Sans Serif. Or Kristen ITC. Don't get me started on my love affair for Kristen ITC.

Roll Game

This one is part Billiards, part Classic Arcade. Well, I did tell you there would be some kind of Retro coming up. I went half-way. :)

Click Here to play Roll

Story Time!

This week the Weird Search results are a story about Yours Truly.

Learn everything about me that you never thought to ask.

Hey, Do You Like...

26. Books
27. Barack Obama
28. Intelligence
29. Planes
30. Incense
31. Kevin Rudd
32. Garlic bread

Into the Woods

photo by Heather B. Armstrong

Laughing

Dooce made me grin today. In her archives she covered Utah's Proposition 3 (if you have no idea what that was... just think "Utah's version of Prop8 in California" ie, "You can't get married here, gay people, there aint no room at the Inn for folks like you!").

She had also recently commented that once she was at a Tupperware party full of Utah women* and there was a REAL LIVE LESBIAN in the room, and thank God none of the women knew, or the sanctity of their marriages would instantly dissolve.

(I laughed at that. SO TRUE! Hide your wedding albums and cover your childrens' ears, because if a lesbian arrives, LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT WILL BE OVER.)

And so I was relating this to my SO and his response is...

Him: Damn lesbians! All they want to do is sleep with your woman!

Me: Yes. They have no interest in what your wife looks like, they want to steal every woman, and will do so regardless of the married woman's lack of interest in the lesbian. They threaten relationships everywhere.

Him: *nods* Just by existing.

Me: And for straight women, it's impossible to be friends with a lesbian, because they can't be just friends. Finding women attractive means they find ALL women attractive and in addition they cannot keep their hands off women everywhere, in fact most lesbians have problems going to the supermarket because they'll inevitably have to have sex with 30 or 40 people before they can take their groceries home.

Him: Just like all gay men want to do every other guy up the ass. Especially all the straight guys.

Me: Yes. Yes they do. Because, a gay man can convert a straight guy by doing him up the batty. Just like a straight guy can "cure" two hot lesbian porn stars, if they would just jump into his bed for a couple of hours.

Him: Yes! All lesbian sex is just pretend kissing and posing in case some guy happens to be around. They'll still be lesbians, but they just can't resist sandwiching any guy who walks in with his piece in his hand.

Me: Absolutely. Because they TOTALLY love penis. And his is the BIGGEST ONE THEY HAVE EVER SEEN which for a lesbian is Manna from Heaven.

After that, he went off on some tangent about how the only use for lesbians is to make the pizza delivery guy arrive at the door, since we all know that the girls are only making out while they wait for a guy to accidentally walk in on them, and then he will selflessly offer to "sort things out" using his genitals.



* Actually, they were Mormon women, but since being Mormon isn't a prerequisite for h8ing on the GLBT community, we'll just say they're from Utah, since Utah passed Prop 3.

High Security

This is sure to keep a car safe... thieves will surely think twice before stealing this set of wheels!

~ Elisa

Another Meme

While I'm at it, here's a shameless reminder to take a look at the latest Weird Search results at weirdsearch.blogspot.com .

And here's a meme I was sent, which I found kinda amusing. Up first is the finished product, a letter to my 12-year-old son.

Dear Jay,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our socks don't match. I think I realised it when I finally changed my underwear under the bus and I saw you sit on the Olympic Soccer Team's goalie. I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that I'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your collection of chewed gum as a memory. You should also know that I confessed today about the moose poaching and I will haunt you when I'm reincarnated as an eskimo.

I hope the elastic in your underwear breaks,
Mum.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How to play:

Answer all these questions first.

1) What's the colour of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for chocolate
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my butt
August - when your hippo had twins
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating cardboard
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - on the Jerry Springer Show
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Other- in bed with Bill Gates

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bite off
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Olympic Soccer Team’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef sandwich
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My laundry bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Movies - Senile
Re-Runs- Frostbitten
Star Trek -Middle-class
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Cartoons - Open
Top Model - High
Other -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Curious - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your green shirt with the frills
Red - your Barbie underwear
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your hedge clippers
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - the naked photographs of your mother
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - your virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - last night's dinner
Q/R - your dining table
S/T - Your collection of chewed gum
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your car keys
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet butt
C/D - Always will remember the rotten eggs
E/F - laugh at your middle name every time I think of you
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - confessed today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a grapefruit
Coffee – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest in mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your apple-fetish is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the jewellery
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself
Elsewhere - I hope the elastic in your underwear breaks

Then fill in the gaps.

Dear (last person you talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realised it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11)

(12),
(Your name)

Anika's Odyssey Game

This one has got me very interested indeed. For today's game (which is several days late because I forgot about games - sorry) I went looking for a very arcade 80s-retro style, but I stumbled on Anika's Odyssey on the way, and I was just too sidetracked.

Perhaps next time you'll get your retro game.

Enjoy!

Click Here To Play Anika's Odyssey

New Weird Search Results

For the latest appetite-sating weird search results, head on over to... Weird Search.

Highlights include nipples, nudity, panties, and of course, Jay Leno.

Things To Appreciate

19. Wanderlust
20. Time wasting games, including trashy pointless Facebook games
21. Chocolate chip muffins
22. Clever humour
23. Dual citizenship
24. Sunshine
25. Widgets

Deep Space Beautiful Picture

I get somewhat creative when looking for images to post, and I stumbled on this since someone described it as "awesome". It's from a screensaver, found here, if you like screensavers, I suppose.

If you find any nice pics you'd like to see here (or you've taken any yourself) feel free to email me or leave a comment below.

Does This Happen To You?

You're making coffee, right, and you stand there all impatient, talking to the kettle to make it hurry up, because your two guests are in the other room and while you're making coffee you can't entertain them. When the kettle is finally boiled, you have your three mugs all nicely prepared with the coffee, milk and sugar in them, just waiting for the seductive caress of scalding hot water.

And at the moment you're about to unleash the tide of erotic wet heat onto the eagerly awaiting coffee crystals, you spot An Ant.

There's a bastard of an ant on the handle. This can only mean one thing.

There are likely to be more ants in the kettle, freshly-boiled.

So you unplug the fuçker, and frolicking around in the tide is one lonely, six-legged cast member of A Bug's Life.

Every fibre of your being desperately wants you to fish that damned creature out with your fingers, and it takes enormous restraint to remind yourself that dude, that's boiling water. So, eyeing its location in the pool, you take hold of one of the mugs and pour really, really slowly. Any time that Insektor gets near the spout, you stop, and kinda swish the water around like a whirlpool to try and get him away from the cascade section. (You know, like when you were kids and you went over to Matthew and Stephanie's house and you played Whirlpool in their pool where you all run as fast as you can around the edge, to spin the water around and around as fast as you could and then you'd stop running and just float around in circles thinking you were way cool? Yeah.)

When you successfully manipulate the bug away from the spout, you carefully finish pouring the water. Yes! You rock! Mug #2, however, doesn't quite go as planned. By this time the stupid ant won't move away. Your hand automatically comes up, to fish it out with your fingers, and then you remember, dude! Boiling water.

Removing the gatecrasher now necessitates Sacrificing Some Water, as you try to tip the ant out into the sink. You do this with a minimum of wastage, and as you pour the second mug, you totally congratulate yourself for being fuçking awesome.

Your two guests' mugs are now done, and you reach for your own. (Because your mother always taught you that you serve guests first, and yourself last.) And your guests are waiting in the other room for their coffee. But as you tip the kettle you come to a sinking realisation.

The Water Sacrifice has left you without enough water for your own mug.

Does this ever happen to you?

Music Video of Joy

What I'm about to show you is purely awful. My fiancé disagrees. He thinks it is just all-round AWESOME. He has the album, and excitedly sings along if anyone dares mention a line from any of their songs.

This was #1 in Finland. Since I was unfortunate enough to grow up in a civilised country like Australia, it never featured on our Sunday morning top 40 countdowns on Rage. I feel as though I've been deprived of a proper Sin With Sebastian upbringing.

This is probably safe to view in a place of employment; but your colleagues might laugh at you.

Doctor Dumb

I started telling you about my trip to Doctor Dumb, but got sidetracked writing about the Brats in the Waiting Room. (Is it wrong to be going about your ordinary life and wondering how to turn each event into a blog entry?)

My usual doctor is away, so I went to see Doctor Dumb. He is also known as Doctor Shortcut, because today he was extremely busy and seemed to be in a terrible hurry.

Doctor Dumb thinks my shooting, nerve-related jabs of red hot metal poker jammed upwards through my skull and out through my hair at the top, which disappear to absolutely no pain whatsoever after a quarter of a second, are... an ear infection. Now, I realise it's presumptuous of me to think I know more than a doctor, but dude, I haven't got no d*mned ear infection. I've had them many many times, and I know what they feel like.

Did I have any pain in my ears? No. Did I have a sore throat, cough, anything in my throat? No. So he decides to look in my ears. He JABS the ear-looky-thing in, and when someone jabs an ear-looky-thing against my eardrum, I jump away, because dude, that's uncomfortable. And yes, ear-looky-thing is the technical term.

He repeats on the side with the stabbing pain. I jump away in the same manner. Ah, so your ears ARE sore! You have an ear infection after all.

He wrote me a script for eardrops, advising that antibiotics would not help. I promptly filed the script in my back pocket, a precursor to throwing it in the bin later on.

So, I will be moving overseas, and I asked him for a letter outlining my diagnosis (anxiety, memory loss and depression) and medication (Zoloft) and he said, when are you moving? Come back and get it next time. (Gee thanks Doc, you're so helpful.)

Since I don't get to the doctor often, I mention that last week, I wet the bed. Groan. I think the last time I did this was 14 years ago, while pregnant with my daughter. Now, wetting the bed, while continually thirsty, is a symptom of Diabetes. So, should I have a glucose tolerence test? No. There's no need, he says. Unh? (So I should just go back to wetting the bed, or what?)

While I'm here, I press my luck and bring up the subject of my finger. (I know, I know, Doctor Useful is obviously not going to be much help, but I was feeling like a bit of a laugh.) For the past three months or so, my right middle finger has been feeling slightly sore, swollen, stiff and just all-round annoying enough for me to continually notice it. Could it be arthritis, I ask? Because, you know, my younger sister has it, and it's really only in her sternum. But no. The fact that only one finger is sore is because I use that hand more. Despite me saying, I've done nothing different over the last three months to cause this, IN FACT, I now avoid doing anything with my right hand that strains it, ie, picking up shopping bags, pulling handles. And even though he didn't even LOOK at my finger, he says that it can't be arthritis, because it's only in one place. My sister must totally not exist, or else she has been misdiagnosed and her arthritis is really, oh I don't know, Elephantitis Of The Testicles. (In her chest.)

(She would totally laugh at that, since she's gay. Testicles. Get it? Never mind.)

Doctor Smart then thinks to ask where I'm moving to. "Finland? In Russia?" No. Not in Russia. Next to Russia. "But nothing next to Russia! Where Finland?" Europe. Next to Sweden. Sweden, Finland, then Russia. (Gestures to invisible world map above my head...) "Finland? In Europe? Russia? Where is Finland?"

So there I am, holding up one hand to try and show Doctor Educated where Western Europe is, ("England!") and how the Scandinavian countries are over to the right, and then you have Russia. And then he pulls out this pearler... "I thought Denmark next to Russia."

For crying out loud. I have no idea where this guy did his university-doctory-learnery-thingy, but evidently, it wasn't in Europe, Russia, or anywhere that a university-educated man could be expected to know that Finland is not in Russia, it is not politely attached to the top of Germany, and it is not in Alaska-which-doesn't-exist. More to the point, I'm still trying to work out why he was so fascinated with mid-air geography when he had no interest in the vocation he had presumably chosen, ie, doctoring the patient sitting in front of him.

In addition, when he wanted to know WHY I was going there, I couldn't make him understand why fiancé wasn't coming here instead, because he had no grasp of what "financial reasons" meant, why "Immigration would be difficult", or why British Citizen meant I was allowed to live in Europe. In the end I just said that if fiancé comes here he Has No Medicare. Ding, light bulb went off above Doctor Clever's head, because finally I had Spoken His Language.

So, inexplicably, he then referred me for a blood test next door. On the order he asked for sugar level and rheumatoid factor. You know, those things he said I didn't need. The nurse rocked. She was very worried I'd faint, it turns out, because I kept saying I was fine. Even after she had to go fishing for a vein, gave up and swapped arms.

I have created a World Map According To Doctor Geography. I've correctly located Finland both inside Russia and attached to the side of Canada. I've also taken the liberty of putting Denmark in a more convenient location.

SOOOoooo Tempted

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I've been known to buy geekish things from time to time when I see something that's just cool beyond all coolness in a geeky way. I may just own a collection of bizarre items that are either related to computers or powered by them. I also love candles, incense and all things perfumed. AND THEN I SAW THIS.

If this isn't the ultimate in geek scentery I don't know what is. (Scentery is a word. It totally is.)

USB Aromatherapy: Scent 2.0
$5.99 from ThinkGeek.com

Apologies...

...to anyone who just received multiple copies of a meme. I had an American Date Math Moment™ which confused the hell out of me, and then I had a 29th February Moment™ which confused the hell out of Blogger. Suffice to say that the meme was supposed to go out on the 1st of March (not the 3rd of January, which spammed it all out immediately onto the floor in a heap).

Sorry!

Fresh Produce

from Weird Search blog

I had another stroll through the bowels of my referrers today (or, "Where did these people come from?"). A handful of people trickle in here each day; considering I don't promote this place I can hardly complain. Also, in Weird News Today™, randoms are following me on Twitter. I've no idea where they're coming from, or what could be so exciting in my tweets. But in response I'm going to post fewer tweets were I complain about the weather.

Your favourites* are still hanging around. There's apparently no curing some people of their addiction to bat poop, butt paste, snotty sims or boiling urine. But in an exciting new twist* we now have "urine smells like hot dogs". Just HOW close are these people getting to their toilet bowls? And why would that bring them here? (For the record, I have no idea if my urine smells like hot dogs, because I don't make a habit of sniffing it.)

Someone with an odd fetish found me via "japanese panties and pantyhose clips". Someone disturbing via "Australian bushfires hot chicks". Well yes, I should imagine families' injured laying hens would technically be hot chicks. I can only hope that you weren't searching for burned or injured female humans with that string.

Sir Paranoid wants information on "Google Phone Tracking", presumably because he stole a car with a phone in it and is concerned that police might show up in lieu of some hot girls with drugs.

Before I go, I need to include this one because it made me laugh rather than just scratch my head. I know that I used the word lickable in a recent post, and I was totally referring to cool widgets in templates, which are very lickable. And occasionally I will post a pic from Fail Blog since it is funny. But why someone would combine them is beyond me... nor do I really understand how "fail blog lickable" landed them here. If I knew who they were, I'd pass them tissues to cope with the disaster. Oh the humanity.

Gotta run. Someone is "stealing panties from back garden" and I need to go look for them out my back door.

* Or not.

More Things I Like

Because you need to know. That's why.

14. Coke
15. Random acts of kindness
16. That Greek Age Game
17. Days cooler than Sahara degrees
18. Candles

Stirring Paint

In honour of what I have been doing this morning. I should have totally taken a picture, but I didn't (because I'm good like that). But hey, look, someone else took their own!

This one is um, cream and dark grey. Mine was GLORIOUS deep violet into pale blue. It was divine, and you'll just have to take my word for it, and enjoy the cream and dark grey instead.

image thanks to Look At The Sea's photostream on Flickr

Brats In The Waiting Room

So I bit the bullet and went to see the doctor today. This was not my usual doctor (who was away). I waited a long time... but I expected this, so no biggy. I don't mind waiting, seriously, but what I can't stand is Bored Kids.

Today we had five different varieties. The first was Well Behaved Baby. Baby was about 12 months old. Daddy looked after baby on his lap. Daddy was patient, talked to baby, let baby stand on his legs and played games. This baby gets a gold star. Daddy gets two gold stars. Even Mummy gets one despite taking off her shoes and folding her legs on the sofa.

The second was Normal Kid. Normal kid was a little girl about four years old. The worst she did was get bored enough to circle the sofa chairs, walking between the backs and the window (tapping me on the head as she went past, just to make sure I noticed her). Normal kid did not scream, throw a tantrum, or run. But the way that her mother yelled, you'd think she had set fire to the curtains or something. I think Normal was just used to letting her mother go and quietly doing her own thing.

Then we have Spoilt Brat. Spoilt Brat is also about three or four years old, dressed entirely in pink, is overweight, has food stains all down the front of her, looks like she has slept in her braids for the last three days, and is not wearing any shoes. (Did I mention the carpet is something I wouldn't dare walk barefoot on?) Spoilt Brat also has a bottle of Coke in her chubby grubby hands, and wanders around alternatively whining and swigging from the bottle. When my son opened his tiny pack of cheese and crackers, Spoilt Brat sat right next to him on the sofa, stared at his food, then coughed all over him.

Spoilt Brat also got very bored. There are no books, no toys, no play equipment, not even a tv showing kid shows, to entertain her. So she starts walking on the sofas from one chair to the next. When this is no longer interesting, she walks behind them. She gets stuck, and begins wailing. Her mother lifts her out, kid climbs straight back in and gets stuck again. This time her mother pulls the armchair just out from the wall so she can get in and out - Brat decides she can now rearrange all the furniture in the room. When she pulls one armchair from next to another patient, slides it around and inserts it back to front, then climbs over, sits on the floor behind him and starts singing loudly, he gets annoyed and walks over to the other side of the room. Brat's mother mutters something about a smack if she doesn't stop. Brat begins an all out tantrum, jumping and stomping and screaming and yelling her damaged little voice out at the top of her lungs (it's obvious she does this often, just by hearing her half-voice as she screams).

The fourth and fifth kids were brothers. I noticed Chubby Baby first. Chubby Baby was wearing nothing but a nappy and a singlet. It was hardly a hot day, either. Chubby Baby was crawling all over the carpet that I wouldn't walk barefoot on. In between bursts of crawling he would put his hands in his mouth. Mmm, tasty.

His elder brother, perhaps three, was well-behaved. Big Brother was sick as a dog. I felt sorry for the little mite. My sympathy was only offered while he stayed a good five metres from me, however. The kid had a perpetually-runny nose, and constantly wiped it on his right arm-sleeve, evidenced by the horrible brown muck on only one sleeve of his shirt. He coughed non-stop as well, those wet snot-coughs only small children can do, where bacteria-laden green phlegm explodes from both orifices for maximum travelling distance.

The brothers' mother then changed Chubby's nappy - in the waiting room. And I KNOW there is a baby change table in the disabled toilet.

It was a most pleasant wait, I assure you.