Tea

I'm drinking it. I don't much enjoy it.

But I've felt overheated the last couple of days despite drinking so much water that I should buy shares in a toilet paper company.

I'm even being a very good girl. It's green tea. De-lish...

So I went to put some honey in my oh-so-healthy green tea this afternoon, but when I went for the jar it was empty. No worries! I buy it in bulk, so I picked up the 3 kilo container to refill the small jar. But the container was covered in ants. Not only that, Jay had left the lid half undone, and they were ALL THROUGH the honey. At least 1 kilo of the honey is now ants.

*shakes her fist*

What a Slacker!

(Me, of course.)

I've hit one of "those spots", ie, where I lose motivation in something I've started. It's a rare occurence, and I estimate it's happened in my life only about 3, 4, maybe 5... HUNDRED times. Ahem.

I've been a Twitterholic though. It's oddly addicting. I'm also going to parade my EIGHT CENTS! of advertising revenue that I've earned so far. EAT THAT, Adsense! Bet you wish you had MY eight cents don'tcha?!

I'm still looking into some other revenue ideas. Have one that looks awesome, but unfortunately requires people to be interested in the ads. And so far, looks like they aren't.

The kitchen is half-painted. Aria said it looks like a banana. I was most annoyed and pointed out that the colour is Gladsome, not Banana. Jay tried telling me it was more like a pineapple. That didn't really help!

Observant Kid

After some reflection a while ago, I decided it was way too impersonal to refer to my kids by their first initials. I realise they're entitled to their privacy, but in the end, it looks more like a robotic rendition of item specifications than musings about my family. Although various incarnations of my full name are quite readily available on the intarweb if you're Sherlock Holmes-inspired (along with some of my past lives as a game coder, LAN-aholic and writer), I'll endeavour not to disclose my childrens' surnames. Suffice to say, if you were insane enough to play detective and discover the three labels my parents chose for my birth certificate, you're still unlikely to find the three I hoisted onto each of my offspring. (Admittedly, I would wonder at your train of thought if you went fishing for my alter-egos. It's not that interesting a kaleidoscope of an existence.)

This brings me to my reason for the reasoning. A snippet about my 12-year-old son Jay, which occurred some time ago during the school holidays. Being way too hot for anything remotely human during the day, I'd shifted my sleeping pattern somewhat, which allowed me to paint while it was dark and cool. He has always been a real morning person, rising at 6am regardless of how late he has stayed up the night before, and this particular morning he sauntered into the living room at about 5.30am, immediately booting the laptop for some dawn City of Heroes goodness. (Yes, I'm raising them as geeks. Yes, I'm proud.)

He noticed that the living room air conditioner was already churning, and that the door to my bedroom was wide open, which is generally an Offense Punishable By Death™. It had been this way because I was painting the ceiling - something I hate, but was necessary. The entire house reeked of paint, and I was waiting for it to dry so I could finish the task.

He asked why it was open? "Because I need to keep the room cool so I can work in there." And then Jay points out a white mark on my foot. "Oh yeah, it's paint."

..."Have you been painting?"

I probably pulled a really dumb face at that. I'm sure I responded with pure maternal love, aka, "Can't you smell the paint, idiot? What the hell is wrong with you? How could you not notice that?!"

Jay's a funny kid.

Another Meme

While I'm at it, here's a shameless reminder to take a look at the latest Weird Search results at weirdsearch.blogspot.com .

And here's a meme I was sent, which I found kinda amusing. Up first is the finished product, a letter to my 12-year-old son.

Dear Jay,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our socks don't match. I think I realised it when I finally changed my underwear under the bus and I saw you sit on the Olympic Soccer Team's goalie. I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that I'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your collection of chewed gum as a memory. You should also know that I confessed today about the moose poaching and I will haunt you when I'm reincarnated as an eskimo.

I hope the elastic in your underwear breaks,
Mum.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How to play:

Answer all these questions first.

1) What's the colour of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for chocolate
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my butt
August - when your hippo had twins
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating cardboard
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - on the Jerry Springer Show
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Other- in bed with Bill Gates

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bite off
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Olympic Soccer Team’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef sandwich
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My laundry bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Movies - Senile
Re-Runs- Frostbitten
Star Trek -Middle-class
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Cartoons - Open
Top Model - High
Other -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Curious - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your green shirt with the frills
Red - your Barbie underwear
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your hedge clippers
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - the naked photographs of your mother
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - your virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - last night's dinner
Q/R - your dining table
S/T - Your collection of chewed gum
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your car keys
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet butt
C/D - Always will remember the rotten eggs
E/F - laugh at your middle name every time I think of you
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - confessed today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a grapefruit
Coffee – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest in mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your apple-fetish is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the jewellery
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself
Elsewhere - I hope the elastic in your underwear breaks

Then fill in the gaps.

Dear (last person you talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realised it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11)

(12),
(Your name)

Stuff I Am Glad Exists

in no particular order

1. My significant other
2. Intarwebbing in general
3. Coffee
4. My kids
5. Trident Hot And Spicy Thai flavoured 2-minute noodles
6. Inventing verbs
7. Electric fans
8. Thongs (flip-flops)
9. Blogs
10. Pretty flowers

bonus items
11. The ability to make another post later when I realise I left something off that is totally, way cooler than half this list.
12. Microwaveable bowls that are decent enough to eat out of straight after cooking. Damnit, I KNEW I'd think of a missing item even before I hit "Publish Post".
13. The option to suddenly decide I'm not signing my name anymore because I'm the only one who posts on this blog ANYWAY.

PS. Happy Commercial Crap Day (aka Valentine's). If you actually care that much about your significant other, you should have taken her out to dinner yesterday. And told her that she was special last week, and proposed in January. ♥♥♥

Post-Present Round Up

Well, I'm back, I'm alive, I weigh an extra ton, and it's Boxing Day. My kids are at my aunt K's place for a week. And then my mother has the joy of bringing them back here via a five-hour road trip. I'm ever so envious - not! Meanwhile, I get a week to myself. Best Present Ever.

For the family gathering, we had a nice lunch at my sister's. The food was simple but great. Cold meats, salads, bread rolls, trifle for dessert. Everyone had a relaxing day. Everyone was pleased with their gifts. We won't mention the fact that my son J had a "moment" lasting more than an hour. He got upset when a new PlayStation game wouldn't work, because my sister and I dared suggest it was due to the kids not looking after the console (which is filthy dirty). This "moment" involves going off by himself, refusing to talk to anyone, turning away from anyone trying to cheer him up or apologise, and intermittent crying. Really, the person he was upset with was himself. I hate it when he does that. I feel really useless, regardless of whether I caused the upset or not. He's just not good at sharing sad feelings. We're still working on that. Thankfully he did finally manage to believe me that he hadn't spoiled the entire day. By dinner time, when the second gathering (friends) began, he was in a much better mood, and spent the evening laughing and playing with R's kids J & J.

I got books, candles, a Pandora bracelet, bath stuff, perfume, and money. It's nice when people get you things that you like. I spent about half as much as I did last year and I think my gifts were still appreciated, too. That's enough for me. You can keep all your traditions, religions, services and rituals. I don't need any of them. Every year is a little bit different for us and we still have a great day. Doesn't matter if you spend it with friends, or family, or chatting to your besties online. It only matters that you take time to be with people who matter.

~ Elisa

Exasperating Children

This afternoon, just as school let out, I got a call from my daughter. She was at the local pool, since they'd had school sport there.

"Hi Mother dear. Is it ok if I stay here and swim for a while? All my friends are here."

Well, she's 13 and she can swim. I told her it was fine. And then the phone rings again... telling me she was bored and lonely. Turns out all her friends went home seconds after she called me. Great. I decided that when my son got home from school I'd drive him up there as well.

I handed my son some money and told him that after they swim they could each buy a hot dog. They were not to buy junk. "How about a mini pizza?" Yes, that's fine, if you have enough. But not sugar and fizzy drinks etc. He was quite clear on that. Dinner-type foods. "Yeah, yeah I get it, just let me go swimming!" etc.

When I collected them, he had bought a hot dog. She had bought a packet of potato chips and Sour Cola Candy, aka Loads Of Sugar And Artificial Stuff.

Sigh. How does Supermom Dawn ever handle stuff like this? I swear her kids aren't angels either! My two drive me so nuts, that I think six kids would put me into an asylum.

~ Elisa

Addictive Blog

Now I have no desire at all - ever - to have six children. And to be honest I cannot remember how I stumbled onto this blog. But Dawn has six kids, and she also has a great sense of humour and a fascinating view of life. It's nice to know I'm not the only one whose kids do unbelievable things, or who occasionally finds unidentifiable food hidden in the strangest of places. Check out her blog, "Because I Said So".

~ Elisa